I was raised by atheists. Angry atheists. I remember when I was in 5th grade, and they added "under God" to the pledge. It was a big, big deal at the time. I would mouth the words, so I wouldn't get caught by my teacher, but not say them out loud, in solidarity with my parents.I never thought much about whether God existed until my teenage years, which were filled with angst. The first time I every prayed was when I found myself arrested for vagrancy, while trying to hitchhike to California with my 16 yr old boyfriend. We had gotten a ride with a trucker, who started putting his hand up my leg, while my boyfriend slept...this was after the trucker had had us wait in the truck, while he took a short detour at a whore house (he had originally picked us up because my boyfriend had long hair, and he thought we were 2 girls)...I woke my boyfriend up, and got the trucker to let us out at a bus station in Columbus, Ohio. We planned to wait until daylight to get back out on the road.
It was the middle of the night, and cops came 'round ever few hours, to make sure there weren't any homeless vagrants, and after seeing us there for so long, asked for our ID. We were arrested because we only had $15 between us, and well, let's be honest, we were hippies, before there were hippies (we were "bohemians")..and they took us in.
We had several nickel-bags of weed...this was in 1964...the cops in Ohio didn't know what it was (there were no buds back in those days)…I told them we had been hitchhiking for a while, and had colllected "soil" from the different states (the weed was all powder)…they didn't believe me - they weren't sure what it was, but they were pretty sure it wasn't soil (props to me for my creativity, though). I prayed to God for the first time, but, needless to say, God didn't help me. My parents were called, I was released into their custody, with the promise that I would be institutionalized by June 15th...I was in and out of the mental institution by June 15th, because I wasn't "crazy", I was just a pothead….but I will leave the story of my time in the crazy house for another day…
My first real experience with "God" came when I was at a LSD party a few years later. I had a friend who was very funny, but got people to laugh by making fun of other people. This guy, Dutch, had been on a roll, getting everyone in the room to laugh...then he suddenly turned to me, and (I'll never forget), said, "What are you laughing at? You look like a pig with an apple in its mouth."...everyone laughed...but me. I wanted to die (remember I was tripping on acid at the time)...I went out in the back yard, all the way in the corner, as far away as I could get from anyone else, and started weeping (I was a little overweight, but nobody would have called me fat, so it wasn't that - but I'm not very pretty)...suddenly a thought formed in my head....
"Next time I'll choose a prettier body."
Next time? Next time? Next time?
So began my spiritual journey. I began to read books about reincarnation, and started exploring what was out there. A year or two later I had an enlightenment experience, while on a mescaline trip…after which it all became clear. I "saw the clear light", and everything about life made sense to me.
Shortly after this, I gave up psychedelics. That was the experience I had been looking for. I surmised that my experience had opened a door into a whole other realm for me, and that although I had had this experience, now I wanted to be in that state all the time. I began practicing Yoga, and meditating, and became a more introspective person.
I have had no experience that has shaken my beliefs since that time. I KNOW from personal experience that there is a God…but "religion" is another whole ballgame. I am violently against anybody laying down the rules for anyone else. I despise organized religion. I think it is a "fiddle" for the priests, who take people's money, while making promises that they do not have the authority to keep. I think confession is a bunch of bull shit. Nobody can forgive you for your sins but God and yourself. No middle man is needed, or should be used. It's a travesty. If people get comfort from religion, they're bullshitting themselves. That how I see it.
Life does not come with an instruction manual. Nobody really can tell what's right for anyone else...and nobody has come back to tell us what happens after we die. Pretty much it's a guessing game...but I do know what I experienced with my own eyes, and that's the only experience I will ever trust…one that I had myself.
I feel sorry for anyone who has never actually had a life-changing religious experience and is running strictly on the "faith", which they learned from their parents. Better to have a real experience...Faith is not nearly as airtight as an actual experience, in my opinion.
I still think that "Faith" has a fairy tale quality to it, and if that's the most you have, you might want to do what you can to have an actual, life-validating experience, so you will KNOW, instead of merely having faith...
Just my opinion....
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